Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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