Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i already hear my dad disowning me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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