I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
