we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
