Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
