Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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