he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
