There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
