I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
