If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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