that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
