im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it was like eating out sand paper
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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