were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
