Already got asked if we're dating
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
