just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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