the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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