So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
