I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize