I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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