Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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