Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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