I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
