you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
