I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
