she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
