so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
