He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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