Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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