for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
