Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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