I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
