I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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