I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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