btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
