Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
