Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
