Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
