Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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