just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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