Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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