he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
