there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid