She said her name was "party"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in