and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog