everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold