she was so not down for the gang bang
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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