Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
