make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
