how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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