whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
