I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
