So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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