In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
