He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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