She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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