So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
barbara walters just said penis...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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