I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
