I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
