I think im going to throw up on grandma
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
