Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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