i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
