glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
