no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
did i just pee glitter
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize