Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
