:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
