Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
