i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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