she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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