It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
