I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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