Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
